The Surrendered Path

Weeks before turning 39, I find myself undergoing some of the most massive transformations, transmuting of deep stuck energies, and blossoming into my truest most loving and authentic self. Aligning with the soul I was born to be, enjoying life, and finding play.

I am blesssing what feels intuitively like the end of a massive, course corrective, life altering cycle.

This cycle started 10 years ago.

Perhaps we can say it started slightly before, with micro movements, but truly it started a decade ago with the birth of my daughter and all of the wisdom and life lessons she taught me. The transformative changes a mother undergoes through giving birth are what I see as the beginning of my reset, clearing, cleansing, reboot and upgrades that have occurred over the last decade.

It took 30 years of unconsciously accepting ‘programs’ and conditioning to get to the start of the cycle, living a life of submission, devoid of true self expression, entering into a massive comfort zone, tiptoeing around uncomfortable feelings and fears. Over this time, I lost my ‘self’, I allowed my unconscious ‘programming’ to run all of my experiences and fears.

I lost my passions, my joy, and any connections to my intuition and inner child. I lived inauthentically always putting others’ importance and desires above my own. I constantly denied play for work. I looked the part on the outside, I denied my truest expressions of ‘self’ on the inside.

I saw work as important, and play as something there was not enough time for. In reality, play is our life, and everything done well stems from there.

I ignored my truest self for a good part of 30 years. Not always, of course, but the overarching theme was denial of self.

Sometimes I listened to the feeling that would come up from deep inside, when watching a dance show, and I would follow the joyful expression and allow myself to dance. But many times, I felt a pull deep inside, my inner child tugging at my shirt, trying to tell me something, something it wanted, or trying to notify me that I was out of alignment, but I ignored it.

We have a lot of words we use to explain this feeling.

This place is what might be seen as rock bottom, being ‘stuck’ in life, feeling like something is off, feeling depressed, experiencing an illness, pain in the body, experiencing a hectic chaotic life, being over it, having anxiety, even a midlife crisis, or any other explanation people give when the soul, body and mind enter into a period of extreme friction.

This is a recipe for living out of alignment, and not living as your truest self expression, your highest self, your authentic self, not living your greatest good.

With this ‘out of alignment’ place as my creation after 30 years, I spent the next 10 years, with the birth of my daughter as the catalyst kicking it all off, honoring her inner child which gave me the path back to find my own.

The next 10 years, from 29 to almost 39, I increased my climb up the mountain to higher and higher levels of understanding. The more I removed, the more I became surrounded by open space and was able to clearly see those deep ‘programs’. As I learned how to remove the ‘programs’, see and disassemble the cycles, close the ‘repeat’ patterns, see the inner world I had spent so much time judging and covering up, I became more full of space and love.

Inside my mind became more and more of a lovely place to be, quiet time in solitude became ‘recharging’.

Lessons I had attracted in my life, over and over, I now saw honestly. I spotted them and blessed them, thanked them for the lesson and loved them out of my life. Shining a spotlight in the darkest corners that I had been the most blind to seeing, and learning that anything negative I saw in another person was a reflection of myself.  Facing our true motives, fears, judgments, and denials of self, we can transmute and dissolve this stuck energy.

From here, it naturally became a place where I found my voice, right where I left it, ignored as a little girl.

I found the courage to step into my path and no longer live a life settling for a job, settling in a relationship, which didn’t serve me or my partner. By rejecting the status quo of settling, you awaken those around you and force them to look within themselves and reach for whatever they want.

It didn’t make either of us bad or wrong, it was pure love, we served and helped each other reach this place of awakening where we could hug and move forward authentically.

It’s a really beautiful thing not settling for a house, or an area to live, or a lifestyle. Not settling for friendships, not settling for inner self talk that doesn’t serve you, not settling for a body full of restrictions and limiting beliefs.

From here, it’s like the most beautiful, destructive tornado, taking apart layer after layer that was unconsciously built, transmuting old stuck energy and limiting patterns, and getting down to a really raw, authentic state.

From here, we uncover our own greatness. It was always there, just ignored, and we create what we actually desire.

From here, we naturally step into more and more power, and more and more love, and then putting our arms out to the world as your authentic self, declaring who you are and where are you going and what you want to see and what minimum standards you accept.

We begin declaring what we will tolerate and what we won’t, what we want, what will make us thrive, and what we know and letting life come to you like a magnet with God leaps and hyper speed, and timelines shifting, restrictions lifting, problems melting, and all of this in beautiful divinity, shining down and out as your most highest authentic self.

When you are in alignment with God, with His Source Energy, miracles happen. Nothing is impossible.

So, 30 years of people pleasing programs and denial of self until I became an autopilot human removed of all creativity. Creativity feels like the currency of life to me now.

10 years of what I now can see was beautiful destruction and stepping back into the driver’s seat. It all had to happen the way it happened, I wouldn’t change a thing, I LOVE life. I love my life.

I thank the past. I thank every person who ever did their best, we are always doing our best every day and it changes, each interaction taught me a lesson. It all brought me right here. It brought me to the most incredible loving marriage where my partner knows me to my core, sees all of me, and loves me deeply because he also sees himself to the core and loves himself. It brought this incredible warrior soul into my life who has the most strong masculine energy to balance and enhance my feminine energy. It brought me to experiencing playful joy together as our default setting, and so much deep laughter. We have two beautiful children. Two incredible souls full of joy, laughter, ideas, together chasing the magic of childhood, showing us everything we cherish most and had forgotten. Life is incredible when we remove the blocks and programs, learn the patterns and acknowledge the cycles. It’s all for us. It’s all a gift.

Finding my partner for life, and bringing a beautiful soul into this world together, a son, alongside my daughter as the ultimate catalyst and push for the best of growth yet.

Children are brilliant. They reflect to us so much, they challenge our beliefs and help us see that side of ourselves we have ignored and denied, possibly that is their whole world of play they naturally live in.

I find myself at 39 finishing this incredible 10 year cycle, no longer serving others, but in a place of alignment with God, Source Energy, the universe, a place full of love for myself with a deep awareness of who I am, my unlimited being, how unlimited Earth is, it’s an incredible place we get to experience.

What a beautiful playground for creating joy and a life that serves our highest good, and, from this beautiful playground, serving others, and radiating outward everything which you find within.

Fear in our life is the ego and projection and it’s no place to live. You give your power to fear. It’s what I consider Hell on Earth.

Dissolving fear, and stepping into faith and love, reclaiming my power, taking it back from the hold fear has over us, and seeing the beautiful divine within you and all around us, is Heaven on Earth.

My path is not the path. It’s a path. It’s mine. No one’s path will look or feel exactly like mine. You get to live yours, we have free will and God guides us each beautifully, if you desire listening, and if you have claimed your power, stepping back into the driver’s seat.

That’s the greatest part of creating our lives, learning that we were born intuitively knowing what our journey is, where our path leads, what we are most meant to share, what brings our hearts alive, pumping with joy, what feels incredible to you, what experiences light our souls and make us stream happy tears in gratitude for this whole game of life we get to play.

What did you do as a child? What did you gravitate towards? What did you love? What made you roll around laughing hysterically until you cried happy tears? What gave you that awareness of being alive coursing through your body?

What is it for you? Do you still live with that joy today? When did you stop? Why?

All of the answers are within.

Many blessings to each of you. Sending you incredible love. I don’t know what this next cycle will bring or what I’m meant to learn. That’s kind of the best part.

I know learning never ends and, the more I know, the more I see there is to learn. I just know, deep in my being that I love every beautiful minute of each day and can’t freaking wait to see what’s next in store for us…. what in nature will take our breath away, what incredible miracles will we witness, how much deeper will I experience love and support. What comes next.

Cheers to a new beautiful cycle.

Much love,

Katie